Friday, February 17, 2012

What (Not) to Expect From the 2012 CrossFit Games Open

there's something really sensual about a pull up rig....

The Open is starting soon and you know what that means: tens of thousands of people will suddenly become incredibly (is it still cool to say "lincredibly"?) useless as work, spending hours a day refreshing the  leaderboard to see if they slip from the 785th spot in their region.  But what won't be happening this season?  How about...

Doing the workout once

Let's be honest: last year people fucked themselves over by doing the Open WODs multiple times every week.  Between thousands of double unders and hundreds of box jumps in the first few weeks, I'm pretty sure all of us know at least one person who popped an Achilles or tore their calf.  So did we learn our lesson?  Not a chance.

The small group of people who are good enough to make it to Regionals won't need to kill themselves by hitting those WODs 4 times between Wednesday night and Sunday afternoon, but the people who've got no chance to make it wrongly think that's what it's going to take for them to succeed.

Heavy weights

Yea, last year there were 165 pound clean and jerks...whatever.  If it were up to me, the first WOD of the Open would be AMRAP 5 minutes of 185 pound squat snatches.  That way, all the random cardio small guys who've been doing spin classes for he past 15 years and never get out of breath but can't lift weights to save their lives would be put in their place.

Instead what we're gonna see are a bunch of workouts with 5 pound dumbbells and hundreds of walking lunges.  I know all of you tiny gymnastics types are saying "that just shows you're strength biased blah blah blah".  Fuck it, throw in some crazy gymnastics shit too.  I'm not scared of gymnastics like you're scared of heavy weights, tiny man.

Honest scores

People are going to lie their dicks off this year.  Here's the deal: the Level 1 Cert machine pumps out affiliate owners who are suddenly responsible for keeping the standards of movements high when all they really want to do is post bullshit awesome times and scores onto  Combine that attitude with the mindset that "close enough is good enough" and suddenly you've opened the floodgates of bullshit.

Don't tell me that this doesn't really make a difference either "since it'll only affect the lower ranked peeps anyway".  Last year, CrossFit LA qualified for the SoCal Regionals 29th out of 29, then finished 3rd at Regionals and made it to the Games.  The year before that, Graham Holmberg qualified for the Games in 3rd, only one point over the guy who got 4th, then went on to win the 2010 Games.  It makes a difference, whether it affects the ranking of the top 5 or the ranking of the bottom 10.

Legit athletes from Asia or Africa

Don't get me wrong: the best CrossFitters in Asia and Africa made it to the Games last year.  What I am saying is those same athletes probably definitely wouldn't have qualified in the other Regions.  Soon enough, these Regions will open up and the field will be pretty damn deep.  Just wait and see what happens with China figures out what CrossFit is.  Africa will probably take another year or so to have a deep field, so until then jump on a plane and flood that place with the 4th place contenders from SoCal, NorCal, and Central East and let's see some competition.

A functional website

For a movement that's basically entirely based on the internet, CrossFit really fucks some things up sometimes.  Last year, they had to add in another week (Week 1, part deux) in order to make up for how unprepared they were for the amount of people inputting scores and refreshing the leaderboard.  For all the functional fitness, maybe they can get a functional IT team.


  1. im a shitty athlete. no games for me

  2. The rule should be, you do the workout at any affiliate BUT yours.

  3. Right on - good post. I two-timed almost every wod last year - total puss out. Not this year. And real peeps put their wods on video - lets see the tape.

  4. 185# squat snatches would put me in my place :(

  5. The best are the 'athletes' that rank in the top 20 in their region in the open and then come in dead last at the regionals. Yes, I'm talking to you lying sacks of shit. Don't think we didn't notice your bullshit at the NLI too. (Not you Naked. You're legit.)