Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The Naked CrossFitter's Victory Recap of the OC Throwdown

...or, "I Won the 2012 OC Throwdown and All I Got Was the Swagger of a Champion"

...or, "The Tweets I Would Have Twatted if I Actually Used My Twitter Account".

This past weekend was the OC Throwdown.  Long story short, I killed it.  Long story long, a lot of other bullshit happened.  So here's my recap of the OC Throwdown organized into 140 character tweets (I had to google the character limit of tweets...I'm quite tech savvy), hashtags, and all the other crap that makes Twitter popular.  Let's begin.

Justin Flynn judges his own star athlete #ItsMyPartyAndIllJudgeIfIWantTo

Before the event, there were rumblings among the athletes about Kenny Leverich and Justin Flynn and whether Justin Flynn could stay neutral when creating a competition that his own star athlete would be a part of.  I'm happy to report to you that neutrality wasn't ever even considered as an option.

It was obvious from the first scheduled WOD, where Justin (and a handful of other people supporting KL) just happened to be standing right next to Kenny while he was working out.  No other athlete was allowed to have his coach on the floor with them, yelling at them, counting for them, or giving them tips and tricks to succeed in the middle of the WOD.  On top of that, no other athlete's coach also happened to be the guy who wrote the workouts, brought on the judges, and organized the whole event.  The previous two sentences are clearly not related at all.

Box jump = CrossFit Total?  Yea, just like The Phantom Menace = Empire Strikes Back.

So the events were kept a secret until right before they started, which is fine in a fraternity/secret society/"we're so cool" way.  On the first day, rumors were all over the place about what the events would be (and they were pretty damn accurate, so I guess there were some leaks).  That's besides the point.  The point is: the max height box jump was weighted as its own event, technically making it equivalent to the entire CrossFit Total and other real workouts.

Anyone can tell you that this is a horrible, terrible, egregious error equivalent to calling Transformers 3 "the greatest movie of all time".  That's pretty much all I can say about this.  Maybe they were trying to make all the lifts separate and just failed.  Or maybe they just fucked up.  Whatever.

I heard someone showed up to talk shit, but I didn't even notice him behind the 47" box in front of me.  #2Short

Sure, Napoleon complexes suck, but being rude is even worse.  When someone happily greets you and waves hello, a staredown is not the appropriate response.

Showing up and heckling is definitely classy.

WODs are being changed around at the last second.  #UnknownAndUnknowable even for the organizers.

It's like they're putting themselves through a CrossFit Competition Organizing WOD while running the event.

I know I've talked shit about them in the past, but holy crap Firebreather BBQ is delicious.  #YouMadeMeABeliever

I'm not above admitting when I'm wrong, so here I go: Seriously, Firebreather BBQ was great.  It wasn't overly sweet, like a lot of BBQ tends to be.  It was savory, a little spicy, and was the perfect fuel for a weekend of competition.

Meenut Butter is amazing #ThatIsAll

Meenut Butter is amazing.  And it's got the power of four nuts, which is double the amount I usually have.

Scoring hasn't been updated at all.  I guess they're still trying to figure out what the scores should be are.

This whole scoring fiasco is kind of out of control.  We've been waiting for 2 hours to know who made the cuts, but at least Fitness Lonnie has been doing a pretty decent job holding burpee and pull up competitions against kids from the crowd.  I'd usually shit all over this, but seriously, he was dealt a horrible hand and did his best with it.  I hope at least some of the money that didn't go to making the event run smoothly goes into that guy's pocket...I think he needs a smaller shirt.

"Kale salads and sweaty hugs; that's what it's all about" #Overheard

I actually kind of agree with this.  Behind all the lululemon, the underqualified trainers, the overpriced certs, and the general overzealousness of most of CrossFit's population is our need for sulfuric leafy greens and human connection.  That could be a powerful sentiment if it wasn't such a damn funny sentence.

The peeps in the athlete's room are awesome!

Big shout out to Jeff and Carolyn at SMR, Paul at Health Quest, Dustin Glass, and Erika Figge for keeping me awesome.

"It reminds me of a gay nightclub" #Overheard

Sweaty shirtless dudes, booming dance music, and flashy strobe lights everywhere?  Naw, I don't see any connection here.

Ronnie T loves two things: his haters and his jorts.

In most of the later events, Ronnie wore a t-shirt that said "I <3 my haters".  Which means one of two things: either 1) he re-used the same sweaty, grody shirt for 2 days, or 2) he's got a collection of "I <3 my haters" shirts.  Sweetness.  

Let's blame WODTime for fucking everything up.  #YouStayClassyOCThrowdown

Let's play the blame game!

Just to put this in perspective, according to the WODTime guys, they were doing their best to support an ever changing, unreasonable, and nearly ridiculous list of demands supplied by someone who didn't understand their own limitations.  According to Justin, WODTime fucked everything up.  So who do we believe?  WODTime ran a handful of pretty sweet events without any hiccups in the months preceding the throwdown and Justin did this two days before the OC Throwdown started:


  1. You forgot to mention the polite gentleman that gave you a chunk of chalk before event 4! Kidding of course. Good job this past weekend - I enjoyed competing next to you and was definitely impressed by your performance.

  2. did Glassman compete?

  3. Armen,

    Congrats on winning the advanced men's division. I tip my cap to you. I would like to comment on one of your hashtags (Justin Flynn judges his own star athlete #ItsMyPartyAndIllJudgeIfIWantTo).

    I was Kenneth's judge during the event. To his credit, Kenneth performed the workout impeccably. Regarding his coach/friends/supporters on the floor, I'm sure you know that mid-workout, you barely have a clue what's going on around you. The proximity of the enclosure to the athletes could have allowed any coach and supporters to be within an arm's length to his/her athlete. Justin's/friend's/supporter's presence did not influence my neutrality on judging his range of motion and points of performance. Was it homefield advantage? Sure. There was one point during the workout where they shouted and pointed that he had forgotten to remove a plate from one side of the barbell, but it was something that I would have pointed out to him anyways.

    I agree with you that their presence there in the pit during the workout was in poor form, but Justin did not "judge his own star athlete." I did.

  4. Phil,

    There was also reports a judge was letting Kenneth do GHD situps with out meeting the standard. What's you excuse for that?

  5. Everyone from OCCF that was judge was too busy cheering him on to check the quality of any of his reps. I personally counted 12 of his reps that were absolute shit. Of course none were "No-Reps"

    1. Those reps I am talking about were his Handstand Push Ups.

  6. Armen,

    to think you were a skinny shy kid when you walked into my gym a few years ago. Now here you are crushing shit and calling people out.

    Good on you.

    Be well and see you soon.


  7. Armen you forgot to mention how Justin Flynn didn't thank any of the judges or volunteers while presenting the awards. He didn't even mention Matt Banwart who kept the ship on the straightest course possible while he was MIA. He was pretty much MIA the entire weekend. Someone reported seeing him in the stands for extended periods of time. Last time I checked you can't run a comp from the stands unless you use ESP and mind control and he sure doesn't look like Charles Xavier.

    I was a judge and have yet to be paid the stated $75-$95/day which wasn't even close to what 2 nights in a hotel, gas, and food cost me. They didn't feed us on time and we were stuck with awful wet cardboard pizza for lunch the 2nd day. I'm guessing there is a pay range because of what I heard Justin say when I was judging the floater pit. Standing 5ft from me he stated that the "good" judges are in the main WOD area and the "bad" judges are assigned to the floater pit. First off I didn't know that the floater ranked lower in the scoring system. 2nd why would you have shitty judges? 3rd I drove 90 miles each way to judge this event and to call me a shitty judge without knowing me is pretty jacked up and I was easily one of the best judges there. I explained all of the movements to a T and had just a few no-reps. Why? Because my athletes understood the movements. Why? Because I'm a damn good judge. 4th FUCK YOU JUSTIN FLYNN!!!!

  8. To the Anonymous poster regarding Kenneth Leverich,

    I was his judge for WOD #1. There is a clip on SICFIT of his first WOD. You can clearly see the incident where there was assistance from his crew inside the pit during his weight change. However, his reps were legit. I did not judge his HSPU or the GHD's. I have no comment on either of those wods.

    It's really easy to call people out and talk shit behind a keyboard while being "Anonymous." Go volunteer and be a judge for a crossfit competition. Then we can talk.

    1. I didn't mean to leave my name as Anonymous. My name is Phil.

  9. Gay nightclub….you nailed it. Hot, sweaty, hairless men walking on their hands….the stuff gay dreams are made of.

  10. All in all I think we can agree on one thing. By traditional Crossfit standards this was a well run event.