The Naked CrossFitter's Guide to Finding Your (Training) Partner

she's still wearing vibrams...so 2009!

CrossFit dating sites are all over the place, and they're absolutely ridiculous.  CrossFit is basically all about showing off anyway, so who needs some dumb website to hook them up with other CrossFitters?  Next time you're at your local box, look around, and you'll be amazed when you realize pretty much everyone is trying to get the attention of everyone else.  All the shirtless dudes are trying to catch the eyes of the lulu'd out ladies and all the women in only their sports bras are calling out the skinny guys on their wimpy arms.

But what if you want more than just someone to date?  What if you want someone to train with?  Your training partner is significantly more important than whoever you date, so this is a really tough position to fill.  That's where I can help you.  I'm happy to present you with The Naked CrossFitter's Guide to Finding Your (Training) Partner.

Find someone better than you.

When looking for a training partner, don't let your ego get in the way. Only douchebags specifically train with people who aren't as good as they are, because only douchebags need the constant validation that they're good at something.

Training with people that are better than you is like finding a super hot girlfriend: all your friends will suddenly like you more, your parents will think you're successful, and you'll suddenly start getting into places for free just because she's hot.  Ladies, don't think I forgot about you here; I support your attempts to find super hot girlfriends too.

The "No Annie" rule.

When looking for your training partner, you've gotta know how to judge them worthy or not, and in order to help you out with this, I've developed the "No Annie" rule: don't ever fucking tell me your Annie time.  

This rule is in place for a handful of reasons.  First, Annie is the dumbest workout ever (described here by my old coach Andy Petranek in what appears to be a mid 90s infomercial, complete with crappy background electro music).  Double unders and sit-ups barely qualify as a warmup, much less a workout.  The only thing Annie develops is the ability to not kill yourself from boredom.  Second, "Annie" is only important to you if you're terrible at CrossFit.  If I wanted to know how much you suck at everything, I'll ask you how much you care about your Annie time.

The "No Annie" rule also applies to a few other CrossFit staples: turkish get-ups, "Michael", softball toss, and any of last year's Open WODs.

Find someone willing to train like an 80s montage.

The truth is that Rocky Balboa invented CrossFit while training for his fights, so if you're going to find a training partner, find someone who's down to train old school style.  I'm talking about growing beards, dancing working on footwork, and of course wind sprints on the beach.  If your partner isn't familiar with these classic training protocols, or worse, refuses to participate, kick them to the curb.